Internal Transitions

July 27 | 2013

It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything on either of my blogs, which is an indicator that I’m currently within an internal transition. These are the periods when my view point or perspective is shifting and I can’t think anything without disagreeing with myself and pointing out my hypocrisies or noticing that I simply feel uncomfortable with a thought but not sure why. This particular transition has been lingering in the background since youth waiting to experience the world and come back with a more balanced perspective.

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A Teacher of the Circle

January 24 | 2012

I found myself in a serendipitous situation in Starbucks today. I had just started a book that Rachel loaned to me called, “When Things Fall Apart” by Pema Chodron. The book talks about what we do when we meet our fears and how our fears can be our teachers. This post isn’t about that book though. I’ll be writing about it after I finish reading it. 

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Changing

November 25 | 2011

Everyone out there has had to change at some point. Whether it’s teeth grinding or long-awaited, changing is often very difficult to do. Some people like change and some don’t. In the past I have been one of those who disliked change. I didn’t like to change because I perceived I would be losing my comforts. Over time, I have changed and developed a preference to always be changing. I changed to like change!

Change is hard because people overestimate the value of what they have — and underestimate the value of what they may gain by giving that up.”

— James Belasco and Ralph Stayer

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“I’ve found that I can only change how I act if I stay aware of my beliefs and assumptions. Thoughts always reveal themselves in behavior.”
Margaret Wheatley

Being my Self

November 16 | 2011

I’ve spent a great deal of time this year really figuring out who my Self is. I’ve spent much of my past devoting my brain-space to others and their needs (or my perception of them) that it’s been hard to know who I am. During those former years, if someone had pointed at my Self and said, “Don’t you see that person?” I would have denied she was there or had any needs. Once that Self was truly revealed to me 4 years ago and I had an “ah-ha!” moment, I began the process of self-realization. It wasn’t until 2010 that I was able to start working toward a Self and only this year have I begun truly focusing on actively developing a Self.

What do I mean by “developing a Self?” I’m talking about recognizing myself as a separate individual, acknowledging my needs and feeling value in myself. Also, recognizing my own patterns, why I’ve developed habits the way I have and removing habits that are self-deprecating and enhancing ones that aren’t. I moved to Hawaii for 6 months this year with the primary goal of truly developing my individuality (among other goals, but that was the main one).

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Living in the Energy

October 04 | 2011

I have recently discovered that I spend a lot of my time living in the negative energy of life. I tend to be an optimistic person and although I’ve noticed many parts of my perspective I’m not fond of I didn’t really notice how deeply those perspectives were ingrained. When certain ways of thinking become habitual it is indeed hard to even notice that they exist as your perspective or as a choice.

Que meditation: a wonderful way to notice what’s within and to ask it why it’s there. I recently became aware of a difference between me and a friend of mine. He walks down the street looking for people and places he’s familiar with. I walk down the street and often don’t notice people I’m familiar with because I’m focused on things that are unfamiliar. This simple difference profoundly illustrates my perspective of the world and a potential for what it could be.

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Discovering the Inner Child and Inner Beliefs

July 07 | 2011

In psychology, the term inner child “denotes the childlike aspect of a person’s psyche, especially when viewed as an independent entity. Frequently, the term is used to address subjective childhood experiences and the remaining effects of one’s childhood. The inner child also refers to all of the emotional memory and experiences stored in the brain from earliest memory.”
     -wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inner_child

I recently took the advise of a friend and decided to meditate on my inner child. I wanted to see if I could meet and embrace the part of me that had been left behind when I was young and still remained in child like form. I honestly wasn’t sure if I would find her at all as I started; but she wasn’t hiding. She was out in the open and quite accessible. 

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My Source Self: An Enlightening Experience

May 13 | 2011

It has been awhile since I’ve posted here. I’ve been posting on my www.u-farm.org blog more regularly, but now that I’m settle and accustomed to my new lifestyle I feel that I have time to write a new post. (It also helps that I finally have solar power too!)

I’ve mentioned in previous posts about connecting to the Core Self and in honesty when I made the decision to move to Hawaii I did it with several goals in mind:

1. To enhance my knowledge of agriculture

2. To enhance my knowledge of yoga

3. To learn about and become rooted in my Core Self

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Hawaii Blog!

March 30 | 2011

Aloha! I’ve been living on the big island for about 3 weeks now and have been adjusting to my new lifestyle quite well. I must admit that it feels like I’ve been here a lot longer than I have. I’m quite happy overall!

I’m posting today to let everyone know that I’m doing well and that I’ll be starting a second blog about my life here in Hawaii. I’ll make a design for it when I have time. www.u-farm.org is where you can find it. it’s also a tumblr blog (like this one) :). will post on it soon!

namaste.

(posted from my phone, please ignore grammar errors :P)

Interweaving Life

March 19 | 2011

There is a moment in time where clarity can strike and bring you to a heighten state of being. Although these can be infrequent, I’ve noticed those moments come in waves for me; there are patterns and cycles to when they come. Steadily but faithfully I have reached (or nearly reached) the top of one of the waves. I can now see how every part of my life has come together to bring me to my destination here in Hawaii. It seems astounding now that I’m reflecting back on it.

It really all started with my close friend Rachel, who helped bring me out of the dull drone that I was becoming in western society. She taught me how to explore myself, and to see truth. There is really no greater gift than truth itself. She would ask me, “What is your greatest desire?” or “What do you want most in life?” or “How do you see your lifestyle in 10 years?” I couldn’t answer these questions.  I would answer vaguely or say I didn’t know. It didn’t bother me that I couldn’t answer at first, but after a time it seemed imperative that I answer them. I could see that I wasn’t able to answer because I didn’t know myself! I let other people define me and called that “self”. I changed my behavior based on who I was spending time with. I didn’t have a stable or centered way to be me.

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